they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
