yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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