ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
