I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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