first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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