Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
