1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
