dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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