how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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