i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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