he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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