I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
