i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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