tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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