Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You should frame my arrest warrant.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
