I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
