I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
