you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
