Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize