Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
