Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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