For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize