I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
