i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
