I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
