Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
