Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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