I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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