i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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