we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
