Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
