my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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