So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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