When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize