Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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