I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize