It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
