fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
