Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize