I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
