He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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