i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
