Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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