You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
