Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
