This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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