Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
