yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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