Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
