I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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