Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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