Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
