i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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