I'm so fucking centered right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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