mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
