Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
