he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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