I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
