he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
