she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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