I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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