How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
