we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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