There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
