He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
