Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Couch. On fire.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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