I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize