When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize