I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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